It dons (okay that's too gentle a word, howabout "bombarded upon my existence) on me that the postulation I have made for myself for,easily, the last 4 years seems to be so light. So misty and weight-less. I have concluded that the path is what I really want to do. That it is in my blood and my soul to do just that. But, things happened and I suddenly realised that doing that isn't exactly what I want to do.
No, no. I'm not against doing that, just that I believe my own faith on why I want to do that exactly is mistaken.

I'm a friggin' hypocrite.

I know one thing for sure, that I care about people. That I get affected when I watch the news or read the papers and I see people suffering. That I know I shouldn't be doing nothing about it. All these I know,knew. But blindsighted by my conjecture regarding my future, I throw that concept into the wind. And I sent it miles away from me, on an ultra-fast plane.

That is not to day that I wouldn't want to do that anymore. If I get the right offers, I still will. However, the reason why I would do that has changed, big time. Actually, it has remained constant, the only change is my awareness of it. My ignorance of the situation my mind is painting results in my utter lack of understanding, intra-personal understanding. I need to learn more about mysel. Seriously.

But at least now I know why..and I know that both my options will enliven me greatly.
           You are now witnessing a transformation.
Either drugs or books,
           I'll do what I was made to do...


...make a difference.








So now I weigh my choices, drugs or books.
Only some will understand what on earth I'm talking about.
But I will need to decide. And there are many factors. Many unparallel elements to consider and great repercussions to understand-and visualise. I do have a side I'm leaning towards though I hate to admit it. I can't believe it has taken me so many chance events to finally learn about myself. I can't understand what I was trying to hide from...myself.

And that changes tonight.
It all changes tonight.



-And I will choose.