The bike course is about to start, I am extremely excited to be able to learn yet again. But I would be lying to claim no inhibitions.
I have to say, the journeying would be hell.
Hell indeed, I do live on the other side of the island.
But I guess I should treat it as a break,
a small end to the constant nothingness at the unit.
And a huge rest from the barking from a certain someone.
Indeed, with much appreciation, I accept the course.

But I have to say that I was most delighted when I managed to touch the floor whilst on the bike. Note that it ain't a small bike, but a huge, tall monster of a Honda bike.
Sing praise!

I worry, however, about the course of study I will enbark on in 2 years time.
Yes, I digress.
Having given it much thought, I've told some that it isn't a job per se that I'm looking for. Rather, it is an atmosphere, an experience and a platform where I can effect changes. Big/small, beneficial changes. And yes, I'm most surprised at my own desire to help people, to change circumstances. Never have I given myself such a pleasent surprise. I do reinvent.
And that eventually leads to the issue of scholarships.
I finished the MOE and MCYS interview, yes.
And now I can only hope for the best. I do think I have inclination towards education, for the answers came so easily, with such fierce fluidity that I was taken aback.
I came out of the interview room thinking that I've once again surprised myself. I guess the learning curve never stops, it doesn't even slacken but gets even steeper.
Now, the moment I booked out, I wanted to check my mail, both electronic and physical
Nothing there.
Okay, maybe there's still a chance?
But stella said it will come within a week!
And today's Saturday, nothing yet...
I went for the interview on a Tuesday.
I am running out of time, and I am almost entirely out of fuel. PSC and MOE selection process has completely drained me. And I am completely outta faith.
The charisma I once thought I had has somehow, leaked away. A drop at a time. Currently, I feel completele naked and incompetent. Utterly ineffectual.
So if the package doesn't come on tuesday, I swear something's going to snap in me.
Something's going to die. To be dismised, to depart, vacate, retire.
And I won't even try grabbing it.
For it has all the reasons to leave me. I've failed it, I've failed my expectation, a personified being in me. Failed it big time.

And now I need to sleep.
In all good will, I thank everyone who has ever interviewed me. I did my best, and for one, I never lied to any interviewer. That I say with my head held high. I will never receive something if I know I don't deserve it.




At least, if I really get no scholarship, I know....



that I'm accurately inadequate.