the first day of my 'lets start biop proper' day ruined by some bad food. dont ask.

so much to study for.
i m so dead. like dead dead!

like dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead. thanks.

i always wanted to be the other vice president. but i suppose this one works for my strengths more. well well.

i am going back to my secondary school on friday. this friday. there is some promotion thing going on, promoting AC again. my second year btw. really looking forward to seeing the school again. afterall, i would like to teach there, one day...
and so i hope to visit the council, the ncc, the teachers and most imptly, ms tang. well she'll never know how much her one decision changed my life. a really small deal to her, maybe, but rather huge to me. and so, jurong i'll see again. friday. it's a date.

oh yes, and please, all those with me at the TEA that afternoon, dont underestimate the capabilities of neighbourhood schools. i m darn proud i was from jurong, a neighbourhood school. nothing is wrong with being from a non-elite school. in fact, being in a non elite school allows one  to learn a whole range of inter and intrapersonal skills. something that people in "THE SCHOOLS" may never get to learn. which is why those in THE SCHOOLS find themselves incapable of mixing with the majority of the population. they are basically too narrow minded! one has to experience things and people of all types to understand them, assimilate the communication skills and learn to be a more effective person!

and i was packing my biology file. starting biology revision for my prelims in 15 days tomorrow. seriously, i am so dead for prelim i might as well quit school now. i saw the BULK of biology notes that i have to cover and my mind just shut down. for a few seconds i stood there, staring at the notes and not moving anywhere... i am shocked at my stupid desire to get an A for biology. i wil try, but i wont place TOO much hopes in it. i know, truth hurts.

On to a rather psychological discourse. i wonder what is the real purpose of humanity? why do we exist, why as civilisations and why with distinct personalities? why. and as an extension, if Death marks the stop, or start of a new life (in certain religions), then would life still be meaningful without death. as Death isnt readily approaching most of us, there must be a substantial interest in the meaning of death and the mental expansion of beliefs to understand it.
so say today i did, in the middle of the night. how many of my friends would come rushing to my side? so what is the purpose of death then? to annouce to all 'distant friends and families' of a new start, or end in someone;s life? or as a reminder that there are entities bigger, larger, more powerful than us at work. do we all have a greater purpose in life? is life a basic struggle for survival or is there something more? i personally try to believe that there is something more to life. i believe that there is a purpose for living for everyone. and i know my purpose. i know i m to teach. that whenever i teach, i feel good, i feel wise and i feel, consumed. consumed by a light so filled with desire, the desire to seek knowledge and pass then on for the future, to acknoledge the past and to protect the present. i understand my call. and i will answer it

thank you for making it so clear to me.
and i will, because i need to, survive.

but i still hope YOU therereading this will come to my side if i do happen to meet with some accident some night in some future.
maybe not in person, but i thought.

i really wonder who reads my journal. i've just completed my drama homework and am going to find some joy in blogging.

i cant.

and so, i sent an EMAIL to MCYS to ask about their scholarship
i've also sent another email to NUS asking about H1 and H2 maths requirement. but they wont reply me till tomorrow, today's sunday.
Btw MCYS the Ministry of Community, Youth and Sports and NUS is the National University of Singapore. i am still mostly aligned towards Ministry of education's scholarship.  i really want it!
But The world isnt so kind.

though sh's been kind recerntly.
rather understanding. That's wonderful
:] wonderful.

but then again, dont give it to me just yet,
delay my gratification.
lesson learnt.

such are NOT the minds of our youths. they expect direct joy and direct excitment and have not introduction to the theory called, waiting.

though this wont be my main interest.
i'm actually highly interested in the psyche of criminals. especially Young criminals and how they became who they are. peer pressure? parental stress? i doubt so. i think it is much more intrinsic. something much more personal and at a micro level. i think some of these criminals WANT to commit crime. because they cant stand waiting, waiting to get comething out of an event. they want immediate joy, immediate rush of blood in to their heads and to achieve a state of joy.
so what can we do to help.
train our kids from a young age that instaneous gratification isnt common. that we have to wait, wait and wait for things good to happen. it isnt all in a flesh, it takes time to accumulate the work processes that eventually lead to an outburst of joy. teach them to wait. teach them to prove themselves and earn their statuses.

Dont pick up toys for them. that is instaneous and without any work on their part. Make them pick the toys uo. Make them face the wall for bad things that they've done. and No, not for 2 seconds, for 2 minutes, dont give them any attention. they will only get instant attention, if they DESERVE it.

And this clearly shows the connection between psychology and education. but due to the structure of the Scholarship i want, i need to take a second subject, a teach-able major.

so, i have to take a double in psychology and chemistry(with specialisation in organic chemistry) or a double degree in psychology and biology (with specialisation in general biology).
i really want to teach,
so i really hope they higher bosses will give it to me.

this is getting on my nerves.
someone give me the scholarship already!

Tonight the moon called out to me.
i responsed.
i asked her, when will i see the truth, and where can i find strength.
she said nothing.
I've just spoken to the moon,
she is charming.
I've just spoken to the moon,
she's still.
Still, still.
I asked her another,
will i ever find inner peace?
she said nothing.
the moon smiled at me
i thought the moon smiled at me
i smiled back
she didnt smile at me
or so i thought.
even so, joy spreads so easily.
then it started to rain
no it wasnt blood.
not water though.
moon dust
star dust
no,



just dust
normal, still dust.
not so still.
she was crying, though i couldnt see
dry tears
no, thats not right
dried tears.
died tears
thats not right
died years
many years.
ago.

how temporal.
how rapid we change
a smile to a sob.
how rapidly we transform
from light
in to the hidden.
so fast we retreat.
so hast we run.

lets stop running.

the moon spoke to me today.
i was overjoyed when she started.
but it ended my day with darkness
as with moonlight, comes the darkness that makes it bright
a giving nature, a compromise.

but with the darkness
comes another yoke of joy
that of the sun.
oh, the golden yoke,
oh may it shine upon my desires.
or rather not,
for the moon will rise again.
up high.

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have high extroversion. You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends. You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation. Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have low agreeableness. Your self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all. In general, you feel that people are not to be trusted. And you're skeptical that anyone else really feels differently. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

Your Power Level is: 64%

You're a very powerful person, and you know that all of your power comes from within. Keep on doing what you're doing, and you'll reach your goals.

she, there since youth. from birth, no, through birth. you grew up listening to her heartbeat. you grew up knowing full well that come what may, she'll be there fro you. there were days when you shared a tub of icecream with her.there were days when watching television together is common and filled with so much contentment, daily, small contentments that kept you young. days when she is the first person you want to meet when you wake up. days when you held her hands, and you felt safe. there were days when you ran towards her when your friends said something nasty. days when you run, with so much joy, towards her when you finish school. you survived school day after day only because you know that when you get to the sch gates, she'll be there for you. in sunshine. in rain. you run towards her, maybe you walked, not wanting your friends to think that you are still this kid. you want others to think that you have grown up.'grown'up. grown up donesnt mean without. days when she was everything. days when you know, without her, you can live.

then we you grew up, for real. you left her alone. friends took over as first importance. you misplaced her. she became, invisible. intangible. you can walk by her and say nothing. you can see her seating alone at home and not feel the need to talk to her. see her all by herself and know that she is so sad, that she is so lonely and you, you chose to go out, to 'hang' with your friends. she was there, all along. but you werent. she did everything by herself. and you saw right through her. what must she have felt!? invisible. she tried to talk to you but you only get annoyed. you raise you voice and shout at her. you shouted at her!? and she retires to her room. alone again. where she doesnt belong, weeping. you, you blamed her for everything. for the lack of this and lack of that. you found joy in materials, not her. but she was your everything! and unlike you, she didnt change. you are still her everything. she's a constant. always there. but seen through.

till one day, you realise all this. and it is too late. you no longer have courage to go up to her and say that you are sorry for all that you've done. and all that you should have done, but chose not to. to tell her that you are sorry and that you are blind! that you want to hold her hands again. to share a tub of icecream again. to run towards her again. to tell her that she is everything to you.

no

all you want to do it to spend time with her. even if it means seating down watching television. you want her to know that you are here with her through it all. you want to thank her. and you hate yourself, hate yourself for letting your mother be so alone for so long. you hate yourself for not seeing her. she became a part of the house, a coloured wall maybe. dull, plain, simple wall that you took for granted. but there was a time when your heartbeat was in tune with her's, and if you listen closely, it is still in tune. it will always be.

and i hate, i hate everyone who behaved this way. i hate everyone who was blinded, or still are blind. to not be there for her. to make her cry.
i hate all who does that! and i want to hold all of their hands. All of them.

but i cant.

because i was once of them.

because i realised only now.
cecause i am weak, without courage.

and i want her to know, that she is my everything. and will be, till the end of time.

thank you for all those times, Mom.

she, there since youth. from birth, no, through birth. you grew up listening to her heartbeat. you grew up knowing full well that come what may, she'll be there fro you. there were days when you shared a tub of icecream with her.there were days when watching television together is common and filled with so much contentment, daily, small contentments that kept you young. days when she is the first person you want to meet when you wake up. days when you held her hands, and you felt safe. there were days when you ran towards her when your friends said something nasty. days when you run, with so much joy, towards her when you finish school. you survived school day after day only because you know that when you get to the sch gates, she'll be there for you. in sunshine. in rain. you run towards her, maybe you walked, not wanting your friends to think that you are still this kid. you want others to think that you have grown up.'grown'up. grown up donesnt mean without. days when she was everything. days when you know, without her, you can live.

then we you grew up, for real. you left her alone. friends took over as first importance. you misplaced her. she became, invisible. intangible. you can walk by her and say nothing. you can see her seating alone at home and not feel the need to talk to her. see her all by herself and know that she is so sad, that she is so lonely and you, you chose to go out, to 'hang' with your friends. she was there, all along. but you werent. she did everything by herself. and you saw right through her. what must she have felt!? invisible. she tried to talk to you but you only get annoyed. you raise you voice and shout at her. you shouted at her!? and she retires to her room. alone again. where she doesnt belong, weeping. you, you blamed her for everything. for the lack of this and lack of that. you found joy in materials, not her. but she was your everything! and unlike you, she didnt change. you are still her everything. she's a constant. always there. but seen through.

till one day, you realise all this. and it is too late. you no longer have courage to go up to her and say that you are sorry for all that you've done. and all that you should have done, but chose not to. to tell her that you are sorry and that you are blind! that you want to hold her hands again. to share a tub of icecream again. to run towards her again. to tell her that she is everything to you.

no

all you want to do it to spend time with her. even if it means seating down watching television. you want her to know that you are here with her through it all. you want to thank her. and you hate yourself, hate yourself for letting your mother be so alone for so long. you hate yourself for not seeing her. she became a part of the house, a coloured wall maybe. dull, plain, simple wall that you took for granted. but there was a time when your heartbeat was in tune with her's, and if you listen closely, it is still in tune. it will always be.

and i hate, i hate everyone who behaved this way. i hate everyone who was blinded, or still are blind. to not be there for her. to make her cry.
i hate all who does that! and i want to hold all of their hands. All of them.

but i cant.

because i was once of them.

because i realised only now.
cecause i am weak, without courage.

and i want her to know, that she is my everything. and will be, till the end of time.

thank you for all those times, Mom.

So we all toughen our hearts in response to come form of disruption to our lives. such moves are that of a small man, but yet everyone resolute such attempts only to find, in the end, that this shield only makes us less human. not one but stronger but much less personal.

much less personal.

and  once again i wonder what happens when we die. do we become 'nothingness'? what about our rightful indigition? disappears? or featured in the other dimension? What about issues that we have yet to resolve? What of fearful thoughts of sentiments and tearful goodbyes that are too late? what about the silent nights spent hoping to find courage to tell your parents that you really love them. What about telling Her that you care?
Do they all, go away?
silently?

No.
We fight. fight, screaming. fight with all the strength we can muster, with all the faith we can find and we fight. we fight to make every second count, before it is too late. we do all we must, all we need, when we are still physical entities and we strive to be the best that we can be.

and we take that shield we forged in our heart as a physical weapon.
we draw it from our hearts
and we shield against our fears.
we go out there, and we declare to those we love that

we care.
i care.

do it today.

i studied for about 2 and a half hours and i did only 15 pages.. well considering it is biology and that i aint in too good a mood, i would give myself a pass.... and i will get an A for my test..

Saw some blogs, and the pictures that came with it. well, in my sec sch's council, there's a tradition where the presidents and the coordinators will 'swap pants' after investiture. the guy would wear the skirt and the lady, the pants. well my partner and i never did it. we had this debrief that lasted forever. Well at that point of time, it was really emotional. out last meeting with them. and i mean last last. ahha. Well talking about them, saw siti walking towards the library just now. though i was on the bus.

=================================================================

je suis trop gros. je le sais. je dois manger moins, ou au moins, manger en bonne santé. d'autres peuvent penser je le gras aint mais je sais mieux. ils la coutume comprennent.

==========================================================================

It wont stop will it...

it was scary.. having to meet expectation. so much of it on that day.. that people expected so much, after all, i got -- out of -- eh.... so people must be anticipating this, and trying to find faults with it. but, i suppose a small fraction really liked it. i'm still hearing things abt it... really honoured. even seasoned dancers said it was good. humbled.
But it was scary, and i dont want to disappoint. i really wanted to prove that my craft is worth something..after all, i put sometime in it that most didnt...myself.

//and he refused to become a normality amongst the waves, so he came back ashore, SCREAMing//

==================================================================

BTW ASIAN BOYS volume 3- happy ending was GREAT.
tis a gay-themed theatrical production based in Singapore, done by W!LD RICE. it is directed by W!LD RICE's artistic director IVAN HENG himself... (insert rounds of claps)

IT was fantastic! like, the blocking was great, the technicality was great. the script was funny, themes relavant, choral songs pitched well. Physicality on point and focus-concentrated. And the most important thing is that the actors had fun, i could see it in them. and that's surely the most important.!

and so, i bought a PINK shirt that says "ASIAN BOYS", how queer :]

and to share one of the many jokes in the production:

A says:whats the similarity between a WITCH and a homosexual man? the homosexual man doesnt fly on the broom does he?

B says:well, some are known to experiment.

rather funny but is in no way an insult. i like everyone, with any sexuality.

now cheers and be gay.

hmmm, my interest in performance may not always be parallel to that of the subject matter i like. so this is one such case. and only a few will comprehand.
and so
narvas

a certain set of 'thoughts' or rather 'styles' that ART protrays in order to bring the viewer to a transcendental bliss. the set consists of
Love
Humor
Pathos (Ths is clearly my fav..given that i am the emo boy i am)
Wrath
Heroism
Horror
Disgust
Supernaturalism
Peace

and so, sometimes i know not how these can be protrayed in art, in dance, in drama, but to hell with the applications.

the entire concept is sourced from hinduism. not that i am a hindu, but i find it totally exciting.

and so, MATRIX's final song is called NARVAS. and it is actually a chant, the chant is actually a hindu scripture.
and the chant goes like this

[asato ma sad gamaya
asato ma sad gamaya
tamaso ma jyotir gamaya
mrtyor mamrtam gamaya

Om shanti shanti shanti

Jnani manasa saha
Buddhis ca na vicestate
Tam ahuh paramam gatim] and it is in sanskrit

now the english translation:

[From delusion lead me to truth
From darkness lead me to light
From death lead me to immortality.

Let there be peace everywhere

When the five senses and the mind are still, and reason itself rests in silence, then begins the Path supreme ]

ANd... SAJC;s 05 DANCE syf used the exact music.. very well done i must say. sometimes i think SA dance is truely impactful. rather inspirational...

i'm after all, a dance wannabe...

so, let us see the light
chant and be free.

:]

there are so many things that i cant say, not to anyone.not even you.
so much feelings i cant emote. if i do, it might all change.
and no one's going to find out.
so it wouldnt change.

===================================================================

i must say it is really tough trying to study again. really hard to get back in gear... it is really hard to focus when there are once again so many things on my mind. and being lazy doesnt help

i hope you get well soon.

so, after our A lvls, some of US suffer the decline in academic fitness while some OTHERS fly off. well.. hmmmm. a little unjust?

And i cant stop thinking about friday's performance. but at the same time i dont want to think about it. i know that friday might just be my last time dancing, ever... but, i dont want to stop.
watched 'rookie' just now. tis the same. he loves baseball but external sitautions points the other way.. i would really like to dance, for as long as i can. but i need to find something stable. so i wont stave to death. seriously...

================================================================

Two Rooms by Lee Blessing

Michael is beind held prisoner by terrorists. He is blindfolded and wearing handcuffs. He is writting letters that wont get sent out, and he knows it.

MICHAEL:

One night someone came to move me. It was no one I knew - none of my guards. I was blindfolded, but I could tell by his voice. He spoke English better than any of them. He said I had to be moved at once - that the Syrian Army might have learned where I was. He was nervous, but there was a softness in his voice, too. I think he was young.

Some clothes were thrown on me and I was hustled into the back seat of a car by three men. All the voices were new. It was actually a cool night. The feeling of being outside was incredible. I listened for anything - any sound, any voice - over the noise of the car. Not because I was planning to escape. Just for the sheer, sensual pleasure of it. A sound, at random. A voice. Anything that was completely disconnected from being a hostage. That just... existed in the world. And I thought for some reason about all the things that always exist in the world simultaneously - with or without us. Innumerable parts of a system designed to not even recognize itself as a system. Dogs barking in the streets, wind in the shop awnings, people talking on corners, flowers letting go their fragrance, people riding bicycles, pigeons mourning nobody we know, people driving in cars, people buying oranges, distant explosions, people carrying guns, people dying of poison gas, oceans rocking on their stems, people making love for the first time in their lives, people designing clothes-hangers, people designing the end of the world, people in movie theatres, people singing in languages we don't understand, insects filling the world - filling the world - people in restaurants ordering the best meal of their lives, people using the phone, petting their cats, holding each other.

All of it, at once.

They drove me to a quiet neighborhood and shoved me into a building. I was taken down, still blindfolded, to a small, cramped room that smelled like... clay, and I was shot to death.

It's not fun to be in a wartorn town. it's not fun to be, hanging on a string. the worst feeling is that of losing control, control of the situation, control of oneself.
and sometimes, thats what life does. it makes us lose control. it numbs all, so numb that nothing matters anylonger. so numb that living becomes a routine. think about it, i think everyday is supposed to be a new start. one filled with intrigues and exciting learning. one filled with expectations and deliverances. but no. we're numb, so numb that we cant feel nothing no more. no ice, not the pick of a needle. not even fire.

no warmth
no warmth
no warmth
no warmth
no war.

i saw something which reminded me of my first Breakup today.
hmmm, rather similar. i was on the phone too. and it was hard.
but we arent exactly the same, there was a lot of sobbing for mine... and that was so many years ago. seriously, that day i was scared, scared to tell her that i saw someone else. that it is very hard that we are in diff sec schools. and that when girls cry, i lose. Sorry DCSW! though i am sure we could have been best of friends. infact, thats where we came from...

================================================================

Speaking of crying girls. i am really glad i got to perform on friday. like finally right... never understood why i never got the chance to share my story given that my actually HAS a story, unlike some pieces which i see no significance in. welll sorry for the angst.
so moving so, i got to perform. after DTSJ which is surely stressful given that she is quite a talented performer eh. and so, i told myself that this maybe the last time i'll ever do my Is again, infact this should BE the last time i perform my individual skill and so i am going to pack such a punch man. well i wanted to reach the same dramatic depth that i was able to create on my ACTUAL a level day, but was rather unsuccessful.. the new environment, people laughing (yes... annoyin) and the delayed music... i couldnt be fully imersed into the piece. And it is always hard to ensure that i dont cry, if i do, i wont be able to speak... farther more, dance! so.. so i basically controlled myself.

I really hope i managed to make at least some (PLEASE!) of the audience consider their own existance and if they too are hiding behind a false 'self'. in doing so, the body and the mind will only lose sync and this is jarring!. nto to say ugly. so please consider if you are acting as someone else to fit in, to find comfort. and if you are, i hope you find courage to break out and be yourself. always believe that you are made to be who you are, dont let the rigid societal rules (a human construct! no doubt) hinder your development. After all, if human made it, human can destroy it.

And for those who cried, thanks.
For those who didnt, Hmmm,, i'll be a nice guy, thanks for the attention (IF YOU WERE PAYING ATTENTION AT ALL)

//i keep him hidden where he is safe, because if i let u meet him, you'll have the power to hurt him//
//and that is not funny//

Thank you all. and thank YOU.

sometimes it pains me when i see some people move the way that do, and that i may never reach that kind of mastery over my body. i do think that someone who can move and move with conviction and concentrated will is one that deserves respect. i understand that dance is painful, that when we are designing a dance, there are small daily deaths, because the body is so tired, tired of trying to express things by moving and not words. tired because it takes so much raw energy to dance to express and to liberate.

As this chapter comes to a close, i know i will miss my times on stage. and the realisation that pains me the most is that i may never get to move the way i want to again. because i may never get the chance to..Not to say that my time in the AT company allowed me to move the way i want, that would be a lie; but the times i spent with myself in the studio designing my dance really made me fall in love with it. Countless hours. i m quite sure no one spent as much time in the studio as i did... because i refused to design a dance that is not.. meaningful. i refused and i still am against dance for dance. i think dance is for teaching, for empowerment and innovation. i believe that every contraction is an outburst of energy that spreads rapidly outwards and inpact everyone around. i believe that whenever i dance, i give a part of me away. and a dancer retires when all of him.her has been given away. that is when the inner landscape of that dancer is so well crafted, he/she will surely fly in dreams.

i believe that dance is powerful
and i believe i may never dance again.

And i believe i will never fly in my dreams because i will never see my inner landscape.
oh gosh, someone save me now. like... make dance profitable and i wil persue it...
Not going to happen.
===================================================================

WHY CANT I PUT PICTURES.
Seriously.
someone
help me
tis
getting
on
my
nerves

==================================================================

OK i feel like making pasta now. i've bought new sauce... but, i promised myself not to eat after 8...
or i might die early. ok dont ask.
darn it.. dont eat dont eat dont eat and dont take naps like, 3 hrs before your usual sleeping time. it ruins the mechanism inside.

and i need to increase readership, i am an attention whore.. call the police...
well i wouldnt mind attention from the police. not in the bad way though. ok stop it.. tis starting to sound weird.
i need to increase readership.
ok i know to do that, i need to blog more often but u cant blame me! i'm a busy guy... well. ok  shoo, shoo. till the next entry...

:]

seriously, hair cuts are really good for the soul. it really makes me feel lighter... not just physically but emotionally too. Dont ask me the mechanisms of it.

speaking of mechanism, i cant find my carboxylic acid notes... and my hairdresser thought i am a working adult.. wow. great... then why is it that whenever i try to purchase alcohol from 7-11, they check my ID. AL THE TIME... seriously, i need to age...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HE WHO GETS SLAPPED

A monologue from the play by Leonid Andreyev

MANCINI: You should see her.  Little temptress.  Black hair.  Eyes as dark as night.  And her smile!  So ... bewitching!  Like the devil's bride!  Like Eve, holding the apple!  Her eyes sparkling!  Just daring you!  Laughing!  Begging you to take a bite!  Promising untold pleasures if you just have the courage to grasp it-to take her in your arms!  How can a man be expected to resist such temptation?! [Pause.] You're the only one who understands me, HE.  Why don't I like things which aren't forbidden?  Why should I always, even at the moment of ecstasy, be reminded of some stupid law?!  This passion, I'm telling you, it'll turn my hair gray and lead me to the grave-or prison. [Pause.] Is it really my fault if she's a few years younger than the law allows?  I mean, how was I to know?  Eh?  Besides, it's only our society, you know, that makes it such a crime.  In the old days, it was quite normal.  It was expected.  Everybody did it.  Mary and Joseph even.  She was only thirteen, you know.  Nobody judges them.  And you can't tell me she didn't know exactly what she was doing!  This girl-not the virgin mother.  I didn't teach her anything, if you know what I mean.  But her parents don't see it that way.  And they know they've got me by the throat. [Pause.] I can't go to jail, HE.  I wouldn't last a month.  I'm an intellectual-a man of refinement.  The jails in this country ... they don't discriminate between men of my kind and real criminals.  They'd eat me alive.




Yes, they'll eat me alive....

now i believe.

have just finished my A lvl Theatre Studies and Drama practical exams, both group collaboration and individual skill.

and HE exists.
i know it.

Group was great. well i was really angry and she was really scared and group was really together, and group viva was as good as it gets.. ive nothing else to request for...

Individual was quite something. this time, i really felt it. i felt him inside me. i felt him speaking. i felt his pain and i know his plight.

i believe in the invisible.

i felt it. like really.

and many things that i didnt plan for, happened in the dance. it just happened. it was almost like my persona took over. and i allowed him to.

personally, ive never felt comfortable doing my piece because each time i do it, i feel very, naked. my weakness in full view and i am under everyone's judgement. and i fear. but this time, i just went with it. and, yes, i still felt weak after that, but i know i touched someone's life. if not any of the examiners, if not the crew, if not the tech people...myself. i touched myself and i am changed.


Thank you.

Which Positive Quality Are You? Your Result: Peace You are Peace.  Peace is the opposite of anger and destruction.  Peace is calm.  It tears down barriers; it brings us together.  Peace is a noble goal sought by the good of heart.  "May peace prevail on earth."
Courage
Faith
Friendship
Charity
Love
Which Positive Quality Are You?