It's raining..
so many things in my mind yet so little time or energy to carry them out.. well.. had a nice chat with EAWJ over dinner. tis good to go over past issues and laugh at them. i knew you would have been a great s2c too... if i had to choose someone other than myself to be s2c, it would surely be you.

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the rain really calms people down... and somehow, during lesson, she was in a great mood. which is very rare. at least lesson was okay because she was in a good mood.
And i actually started on chem tys... which is great... given how slowly i study.

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I could have chosen to do this:

It's hard for me to describe what I felt. It was a good day, just like any other. My friends were doing something... something stupid, and I had just got mid-terms back. An A. I was overjoyed. I went to lunch, which is everyone's favorite period, and I was ready to brag. But after I sat down... I heard fly open. No one paid any attention, but when I heard the first shot... it was like time stood still. My heart... I swear my heart wasn't beating.

And then everything started to move around me again, but why wasn't I moving? I was frozen in fear. When I finally brought myself back to my senses I began to run for the door. Next to me... someone fell. I didn't know the kid but he was young. I wanted to reach out and help, but I couldn't. He was lying, helpless. Dying in front of me. When the cops came and arrested the kids, I saw that it was someone who I had gone to class with. Someone I had talked to. And life went on.

But it wasn't the same. The kid survived... but it wasn't like he was a kid anymore. None of us were. Our innocence... our happiness was gone. It was like they took our souls. I'm sorry... I really can't talk about this anymore.

The above monologue is a first account from a teenage boy who witnessed a high school shooting. And life went on? can life ever go on after one sees such a sight. i really doubt so. But it wasn't like he was a kid anymore - so much is lost.. it is not just life that is gone, a lot of other things disappeared alongside life... faith. trust. belief. values. stability.

tis very depressing. to all who survived, i salute you.

One day, i'll make a difference in a certain school. One day.

i found this on wikipedia

:Sleep has been directly linked to the grades of students. One in four U.S. high school students admit to falling asleep in class at least once a week. Consequently, results have shown that those who sleep less do poorly. In the United States sleep deprivation is common with students because almost all schools begin early in the morning and many of these students choose to stay up awake late into the night. As a result, students that should be getting between 8.5 and 9.25 hours of sleep, are getting only 7 hours. Perhaps because of this sleep-deprivation, their grades lower and their concentration is impaired.

And i was like, WHAT?! they get 7 hours of sleep? let me try to guessimate my average sleeping hours on a weekday..

i have to reach school by 730am. and i have this extremely good habit of reaching school very early...(i do have a reason for this)
so i usually wake up at 530
and on mon,tues,thurs and fri my academic schedule ends at 430. for this account, i'm going to discount all club activities i am in.

so i reach home at around 6.

and i study, eat, relax, and well, do things i like. and i end up sleeping at around 11.

so i get 6andahalf hours of sleep.

BUT those days are rare.. if i have rehearsal on that day...
i'll reach home close to 10.30, and i will still have to do my work, shower, ect ect.

so i sleep at around 1.
and i get 4andahalf hours of sleep.

someone jail my school please! This is unhealthy for young souls?

and if someone who gets 7hrs of sleep isnt at their optimum, where would i be!???!?!

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This is extremely unrelated but then, jessica alba is so hot.....but someone please please please tell her never to have blonde hair again. never never never again.

and isnt is great to enjoy the gifts that the invisible women has... anyways, by virtue of her name, she can turn invisible.. the explanation for this is that she can bend all wave lengths of light inorder to rander herself imvisible. but any sound science student will tell you that once light is bent, visible distortion will result. have you ever seen the air above a campfire? that's visual distortion.

not that i want to turn invisible. i cant stand it when people treat me as though i dont exist... but there must be times when you just want to disappear. just, be unseen. be there but not seen. Some times, i really wish i can bend light like how the blonde can...

and the invisible women can create 'nearly indestructable forcefields' and i wonder what exactly are forcefields... but it is rare to find a 'superhero' who has a good balance of defense, offense and utility skills. and the invisible women has the best balance i 've seen, so, mr fantastic can just stay in his lab, let the lady take the floor. :]

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it is 12.01 now.. sch has, well, in theory, started. miss DTS-J said that she's scared to go back to school and i realised that i am scared like shit too. like really. tis not the academic stree for me, but the fact that i have to wake up so early everyday and that i cant study in school.

so i have decided to bring my chemistry TYS everywhere, like a bible and do it whenever i have a break. in fact, the main source of my school-phobia appears to be myself. i know once i get in to this study-frenzy i cant stop. i would refuse to spend time with friends, only wanting to study. i would refuse to listen to friends when they need me to listen to them because i want to study. and i dont like that version of myself. but i know it will emerge soon...

alright. there ARE monsters waiting, and one is living inside me.

and it's coming out real soon.

i hope you understand.

:(

i cant believe my holidays are ending.. like.. today.

oh no... really need to start studying.
tis most annoying. ARGH!

AHtis ending... 4 weeks of holidays... poof. gone.

ARGH!!!

well then to books i shell.
and back to my o'levels mood. watch out.. i wont have time anymore!

Now i'll ignite another form of passion, that to do well in my exams. and i will do well.

:]

What ms tang said made something click inside.

"when we assign you a certain post, it means that we see potential in you to develop in that direction".

It made sense...personally, it made a lot of sense. and this is for all who werent too happy at AGM.

Never never in my journey as a councillor did i ever said that i wanted to be a sec2coord. infact, i feared such thoughts, feared the very fact that i would be depended on, relyed on, trusted upon. NEVER did i thought i could be a sec2coord, never never. so what miss tang said, really made sense. i was thinking about it on my way to NAtional Library for a drama workshop... well so i didnt ask for sec2coord, and ms tang placed me there nevertheless. i found myself extremely grateful that i was given this chance to learn something else, to besome thing else... To be someone. if the teachers gave me what ever position i asked for,  i am quite sure i wouldnt be the same now.

For better or for worst, i dont know, but, if i was given what i wanted, i would have had a really different journey... so think abt it... i gave it a chance. i gave something that i didnt have enough GUTS to think about, a position i feared so much, something that draws demons in my heart... i GAVE it a chance. will you?

i did, and i leaped, a leap of faith, huge faith. i told myself, all the way, all the way. and i came all the way... i wont say i did a good job as a coord, but i'm going to say i did a good job at giving myself a chance to learn something else. to actually grow, to learn as i teach. i may not have touched lives like i intended, but nevertheless, i changed my own life. just by giving it a shot. only by sayingm yes i'll try. and see, i changed my own life.

it gave me purpose.

and now, i'm gratful i wasnt given what i asked for, for if i did, i wont be myself now. i wont grow to love teaching. i wont grow to enjoy helping others. the entire conversation here is not about the results, but about the willingness to try. to step out. to say, YES!. the results are secondary, the effort is primary.

so, for those who werent too happy, give it a shout, you'll be surprised at how it turns out to be...

and for those two, never forget that the greatness of a teacher is in the success of his/her students. we are nothing, unless they are something. and from you comes the next batch of greatness, the next page of history. you create, only if you believe. and you mould, only if you trust. so go out there, and create history. many batches of tears, sweat, blood, your to hold. you responsibility... moral implication. you take what they gave, fly with it. once you start teaching, you'll fall in love with it and you'll never want to stop. this is special, because we make it special and because a legend must be borned from your hands. as you teach, remember humility and learn and you teach. 'a person who thinks he.she knows everything knows nothing'. teach what you know, but learn at the same time.

and quoting  special breed of people,
Always ready, Ever willing.

[inspire.aspire.set afire]

tomorrow's the aunnal council BBQ by the sec2s.. rather heartwarming to know that many batches of councillors might turn up... tis always good to catch up with things... intend to study a bit before heading down. Hmm, i actually managed to finish Organic chem, which is one huge component of chem, which is great. Cheers.

And sat... hmmm... the dreaded tech run, again. seriously, my piece has simple lights ans one sound cue.. so what is the purpose? and because of this tech run i'll need to cab down for the 25th SC's AGM...well tis rather interesting to see how 37 councillors will be slotted in to office.. a rather big, okay, very big office. Secretly, i do have favs for certain positions, but what am i to say? seriously, i dont even know the sec3s well enough to judge them. so, rather then being biased and judging based on camp only, i will keep my gap shut, and watch.
But
i do hope the next pair understands the emotional burden that comes alongside the position. tis not really a position, tis a responsibility. we've all heard of spiderman's "with great power comes great responsibilities" but in this case, the reverse may be true..
With great responsibilities comes great power.. confused yet? getting posted to be this certain position means that one have the responsibility to ensure that each council gets better than the previous. this is not duty for the council, this is in fact duty to school, to all other seniors who worked hard and to the 2 themselves. and with this duty arises the ability to make powerful decisions that can make or break batches..understand now? haha...

thinking back, i was really scared when i took over... scared because i never imagined myself as that someone who has the power to decide the strength of the following batch and maybe the following batches.. i really hope my officeyear made an impact, not just to those affected by it.. but to all who might be in anyway linked to it in the future. If there's anything that i was afraid to break, it is the faith people had in me. ok, enough about me.

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now to another side of me. (sorry, tis MY blog eh? :])

I've always had a dream. I am not the type who remembers my dreams. but there are 2 dreams that are particularly...perculiar and memorable.

i'll talk about one of them today.

It starts off rushed. all i see is this pathment ahead of me. and i find myself running. running and running. images of police flicks i've watched before flashes infront of me, this time, i'm in the hot spot. the police are chasing me. and i m running. i run past corners, over large fields and i keep running. run run run. till i know, this is getting no where. and i stop. turn around and waited for the moment for the police to pin me down. i wait, and wait, and nothing happens. it always end there. no conclusion, rather annoying really.

so when i watch police flicks, or doc such as 'cops', and i see them running, i get this errie motor reflex, my body almost moves with them. my mind, understands what they are thinking of. it is really scary, knowing that i'll lose eventually but not knowing when i'll give up. not wanting to, but knowing that i have to. it is scary.

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i look around my room, i see my mirror and i see my reflection. i cant stop wondering abt something that has been affecting me all along. in my younger days, i used to move my arm up and down continously and ask myself, what makes my arm move? the mere thought of wanting my arm to move and i can trigger this multi-levelled response. now, now that i;m slightly more well read, i know the chemistry and biology behind the movement of my limps (potassium and sodium, dont ask...) but there is still a void. something isnt explained. why is it that I can control my body? is there this mini 'me' working in my mind that controls everything? there must be right, there must be something larger, some thing more powerful than myself that allows me to control my movement. what exactly is thought? behind all the chemistry and anotomy, what is thought? what initiated it? what sustains it? what controls it? what makes me think?
What exactly makes me think?
And is there a purpose in thinking? is there some higher entity that is looking after me, and ensure that i think, so that i advance? or is there nothing actually. it challenges the basis of many things, or religion, of science. i personally dont think religion and science are opposites, i think there is a grey area in which the two are one. the two greatest gift Man has unites and explains everything. where every thought originates. where every one goes when we pass on.

Chills.... it seems so big.

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Ever had a long bus ride home? or to somewhere else? and you look out and it makes you think how fortunate you are. i love long bus rides alone in the evenings. i look out in to the vast space and i become so so so minute, so insignificant to the bigger picture. it is at this moment when my worries melt away, if I, as a person, am so small, then my troubles and complications must be even smaller. almost non-existant. looking at the beautiful skies, the clouds, i want to know just how far they are away from me. just how big they are. just how omi-present they are.

Thank goodness we have nature. the only thing that keeps us sane amongst all the modernisation. So stop, once in a while and look for a silent friend, who's always there for us.

|We are what we repeatedly do, excellence is thus not an act but a habit.|

There was a time I packed my dreams away
Living in a shell, hiding from myself

There was a time when I was so afraid
Thought I'd reached the end
Baby that was then
I am made of more than my yesterday's

This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment
But I look around
I can't believe the love I see
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubts
That was then, this is my now.

And I have the courage like never before, yeah
I've settled forless now I'm ready for more
Ready for more

This is my now.

now.

and why is it that i cant post photos? can anyone tell me what programmes are needed for photo-posting.

Am going out with my family later.. to the underwater world.. hmm. well. tis great to spend time with family... esp when i've not been spending time with them at all. and that, certain bonds cannot be marginalised... my parents took a week's holiday for me though i am not around most of the time.. that guilt is hard to describe. so today i wil forget about my books and notes and tutorials and just go out there and have fun.

to all those who play hard, joy!

i think i tend to eat way too much. which isnt healthy for my bursting blood vessels, mind you, i am only 18 this year.

'Show me your food and i'll tell you who you are', but if it involved you gorging your throat to 'eject' your sample of food, no thanks. See, food can no longer define someone... well largely. food is largely international now, food from a certain country no longer gets confined to that nation. we can find chinese food everywhere, and mexican food, and japanese food, Everywhere...So tis relly hard to judge someone by their stomach, or rather, whats inside their stomach in this age and time.

But some things never change.

The rich gets the carbo and the fats and the wealthy gets all the protein. Soit hurts me when people have to eat.. well... rubbish for survival. it hurts me, i try not to waste food but it is really hard.
i tend to order too much
tend to take too much
tend to overestimate
tend to feel bad only aft the entire incident..

ISnt this a rather familiar sight? that we regret something after it's been set on course. well the true gift of learning is that we never stop getting second chances do we. think about it, we make so many small mistakes daily and everytime we make one, someout would forgive us, and we would start making mistakes all over again. It is really tiring to be a human. this endless cycle of getting and losing and all we can hold on to is faith, faith that when we are no longer EARTHLY, we go to some higher place. some nicer place where everyone is nice and the weather is great. This faith is useful, but dont we all doubt it once in a while.

What if, when we die, we just, disappear. Poof, i'm dead. thats it. all the humanly faith we had, worthless? What if when we die, we become food for the growing once again, we become juice for mother earth. and we can never say good bye.

What if death is merely another start, as a drop of water, as a blade of leaf. What if death is near, will we rejoce for its steadfastness or will we dispair for we cant say good byes fast enough?

I think good byes are hard to come by.

And think abt this, when we die. when you die, how many would cry for you? 2? 4? many? rather morbid yes but i think about this all the time. would my 'friends' cry? would the shoutpost community know? would my school mates realise? if no, then my life is rather screwed.

Dont cry for me because i'm gone, cry because i've moved on.

i.believe.

Just for you Barnabus :]

http://horoscopes.aol.com/astrology/zodiac-central

(and thanks elieen. i took it from her blog)

Dont we all love rainy days once in a while? it makes us think, think about how high the sky is. about how much the droplets had to travel before it makes a rather slient enterance. well what makes rain drops impressive is that they never ask for a rest. they drop, flow, evapourate and starts all over again.

Thank you.

Thanks Elieen!(Sec3 elieen)

Gemini go everywhere together, hand-in-hand, symbolizing your dual nature. Our world comes in pairs: good and evil, male and female, in and out, yin and yang -- and you Geminis are living proof. Some might say Gemini are an entanglement of paradoxes, but the truth is that Gemini have an easy acceptance of opposites. Gemini world is one of duality. Gemini can like this and that, one thing and its opposite. It's like you see your world through a radio and Gemini can tune experiences and points of view in and out as your interests change.

You Geminis are curious, talkative, versatile and mentally active. Your mind can bounce around from one topic to another with great ease, making Gemini the champion of cocktail party chatter and lighthearted social encounters. Others will think that Gemini are fun to be with, but your ability to change with the changing winds can also lead others to see Gemini as shallow.

Gemini motto might be "A rolling stone gathers no moss." You are the eternally youthful child, no matter your chronological age. A razor-sharp wit can have you verbally dueling with the very best of opponents, who moments later are your best of friends. As you fly through life, don't forget to take time to smell the flowers.

Element: Air
The astrological element of air represents movement. And the most efficient movement between two points is often a thought. Air signs are thinkers. They emphasize the intellect over other functions. With active minds and a good command of language, the air signs are the natural born communicators. They can be light and breezy as the breath of spring, but their words can also carry the power of a gale force wind.

The air of Gemini is always changing direction. First the winds blow one way, then another. It's a metaphor for how our mind solves a puzzle, first thinking one way and then trying a different approach. This is a restless and searching wind.

Third House: Communication
The Third House symbolizes all aspects of communication -- and most communication happens within our immediate environment. Therefore this is also the house of our surrounding. Traditionally, this includes the type of interactions that happen between siblings, whether or not you actually have any. It also represents quick trips and short-distance travel.

Key Planet: Mercury
Mercury, the Messenger of the Gods, moves around the Sun faster than any other planet. He symbolizes our thoughts -- not only how we think, but how we communicate. In fact, Mercury is in charge of all language. Mercury is our active and rational mind. It is not only "just the facts" but also what we do with them. As the key planet of Gemini, Mercury is restless and changeable. It drives us to talk and to listen, but not necessarily to action.

Gemini Greatest Strength: Your curiosity about a variety of interests

Gemini Possible Weakness: Distracting yourself from what is most important

Tofay's father's day. Well this day once meant a lot. haha.

heard from DLau about a sc outing organised by the sec2s... annual!? ahah i didnt know it's now a compulsory event to plan for. rather bad timing though given that it is one day before AGM...

i'll try to go, i promise. i promise to try..

Sustainment.
thoughts, such unstable compounds.
brings me high up, to a world of illusions, of beauty, or joy.
and brings me so far below. so deep. so hurt.
so much to think about, so little capacity.
what makes man great is out ability to think, but it is this very ability that causes instability, it is this very 'gift' that makes sustaining hard. sustain.
endure?
sustain.

Tis been really hard now a days, to focus on studying when my mind drifts to my past-years whenever i see my council plaque, my council cert, my collar pin, the gifts from 23rd. nothing holds as much sentiments as this simple write up that sokteng prepared.
a simple 'gift of love' as it is nicely named by sokteng. it holds so much.. it is really simple, everyone dolls up one page and fills it with love. simple idea really. thoughtful. appreciated. whenever i read it, it gives me so much... so much desire to go back to those days. i promise i will burn it with me, it will enter my grave, for those who wrote it may never know how much it means to me.

well i wish the writing i did for EVERY 23rd councillors have the same weight. what i wrote was, truthful account, nothing fancy, nothing without varacity.

sometimes, these gifts feel so heavy.. heavy with emotions and memories. so heavy.
but thinking back, i once carried all these burdens for a whole year. One whole year.


//Many have eyes but few have seen, for all here, youy alone have seen the beauty behind the illusion and you alone, shell be blessed with the gift, the gift of teaching, the gift of giving, the gift of love.//

cheers.

Attempts to move, cant. Attempts to move on, trapped. When ever i want to move forward, i look back and am flooded with much emotions. That very charged feeling, almost electric and, very real.

It shocks me even now.

When ever i look back, all i see is the times in council.
When one is weak in the heart, think of the moment when one was strong and in the pink of health, not physical, not mental but rather emotional.

These few days had been difficult. Because all these excitment reminds me of who i was and what i became. The old "Me' which i hate so much, the older version of myself which caused so much hurt in others.

I was a really rotten person, a really bad person. Thank you 22nd.

Changed. Charged? No,No... Inspired.

Yes, Inspire.
I look in to the eyes of many of them, and i see this pride, this BAD pride in them. And i look back, and i see myself in them. a mirror almost. Changed? Charged? Inspired...yes. i hope they, all who was in camp was inspired by their 24th who worked so hard.

I walk around camp and was reminded of myself as a camper. the pasion, the drive, the love i had for my batchmates. This powerful force, that rolled in to action and refused to stop. Gave me, no, GAVE US strength. Thank goodness i had the 22nd. thank goodness they were there all along the way. Thank GOD!

Prior, my journey. Secretary i was. Busy i was. Proud i was. (thank you once again)

Forward, my revolt, my passion my NEED to teach. to guide. to inspire. 23rd, much thanks.

Much thanks.

Now why do seniors come back for camp. Tis not for the fun of punishing people, it aint fun, not one bit.

The truth lies in an area not realised by most.
Because we feel as though we owe it to Jurong Council... and we want to give back to what made us who we are today. Because we want to ensure that certain standards that our seniors imparted to us remains strong, that certain values of importance are deeply rooted in many, in all. Because we love SC, we did, we will and we wont forget.

Because we are students leaders of jurong, then, now forever more.

i remember that was how i signed off my note to all the 23rd when they took over.
Sec2coord, now, then, forever. I do feel this still, diluted at times by the sheer load of life yes, forgotten? No.

So much emotions, so little ability to vocalise them. why? because the experience is larger than life. because i was once human. Because this made me human.

So ne joyful, be proud. I for one am truely proud to have been a part of this, this journey. And i for one will never forget the days

Cheering.passing messages.organising people.finding people.writing proposals.taking over.teaching.crying.learning.crying.aging.crying.growing.crying.become.stopped crying.strengthening
Thank you. This post is titled giving, for it is in Giving, that we Receive.

for it was in my seniors' giving that i received. for it for my passion i gave. for it was for SC i changed.

Thank you council.

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
Inspire.Aspire.Set Afire.


.

Well my photos aint in yet.. darn...

just came back from SLC, student leaders' camp, a leadership training camp for councillors and class committee members in my secondary school, i was once a councillor and i really miss it.

i was elected as the SECondary 2 coordinator when i was in sec 3. i was in charge of training the sec3 councillors to prepare them for office.

i m speechless.
i cant explain how much i miss those days. when i really wanted to do well in council, all the pushups all the punishments were nothing, because i waa strong. because council made me strong! i really miss those days. really really. i want to go back.

i really miss those days.

you wont understand.
it made me a better person

that night, when i stood in front of all of you sec3s.. and you were crying. i was so proud. your tears are a sign of strength at that point of time because you guys survived. i was so proud. i burst in to tears, i dont cry! i hugged everyone.m i wanted that moment to never end. now whenever i see you guys, it is merely a hi and bye affair. it cant be like this....... i gave my LIFE for all of you sec3s. i gave my heart my passion my revolt... my love

I'm still proud of all of you. you made me stronger.

when i scold and punish and when you cry in front of me, i want to cry. i really want to cry but i cant, i had to scold and teach and punish and inspire. i WANTED TO CRY BUT I COULDNT! IT WAS SO PAINFUL! I wanted to cry.

someone bring me back to those days.




and to my dearest ms tang, thank you. thank you for putting me as a sec2coord. thank you.







Thanks you 22nd, 23rd and all other councils to come.




Inspire. Aspire. Set afire!

I've just had my first ever photoshoot...professional and all. In a Studio with proper lights and proper setting... cheers

My teacher was shocked when i fished out (from my bag) my very own Foundation!... She was in total awe...

"You mean you have your own foundation?!???!"
"mdm, i'm from drama :)"
"i see."

i could sense her doubting... doubting my sexuality lol...

well so i made my self pretty with my foundation (it's really tinted moisturer) and my college uniform and was the first up for the shoot. i stood there, at the spot i was asked to be and i felt...well naked.i'm no longer a photoshoot virgin!

so i shoot there and started to smile for my warm up shots
"Too safe" the photographer said.
So i started playing with body composition and alignment. well he said i was a natural... :] i knew it all along :P

Then i changed in to my Army uniform.. and thats when the fun began.

The photographer asked me to be firece.
so i stared at the camera and tried to be fierce (i knew it wasnt working)

So the photographer (ok he's called andy)
So andy asked me to emote more.

so i screamed at the camera

i loved it. the shots... well, rather savage but i dont know if they'll use them (i'll post them on when i receive them) because Andy told me that my teacher prefer happy pictures...
so after all the screaming, he asked me to adopt a happier pose and just smile. well that's really the easy one..

now for the last part of the shoot, i changed in to my council blazer (called a blazer because you'll sweat so much inside it can be used as a reservoire) and tied my tie and all, looked smart..

and we took a series with 3 persons, Andy taught me something about body composition and the art of elongating body parts (clean thoughts 'ohmmmmmmmmmmmm') so that we'll look better. what a lesson!

okay... i think i might turn professional... as a hand model lol.
support "insert brand here' hand wash, it keeps ya hands soft and elongated LOL

till next time
cheers :]
(ps: i love the community here at shout post) :]

I'm a health addict now.

I've been running 4000m every other day.

why? because i have abnormally high blood pressure for my age... and i aint gona die so early ahah.

so i'm going to be extremely healthy.. I'm going to watch what i eat as well.

(pat on my own shoulder....so proud of myself )

haha

well i'm really honoured because my secondary school has invited me back tomorrow for a photoshoot. YES! ahah. But i would have to find my old NCC uniform... NCC is a form of uniformed activity that i signed up for when i was in secondary one. ahah.. all my badges... four years worth of badges. ahah

i'll try to post the pictures when i receive them :]

and sorry for having a love-hate relationship with my blog... it's just that whenever i come online... the urge to play guildwars... so strong...so strong




I'm stronger.

:]

cheers :]

Many fear the unknown...but sometimes, it is knowing something that invokes such fear.
knowing how it will be, knowing what i will have to go through and what i will become after that. Knowing because i have experienced it before. this invokes the most ancient of fears...

that of weakness.

weakness. knowing oneself and knowing one's weakness, being able to pin point the exact problem -a gift? - a curse.
Introspective.

I fear that day will come, it will... yet i fear, still.

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i went running today. i ran for 5000m. not a lot really but, i am okay with it given that i havent been running for a lifetime. when and checked out this new gym near my house.. good. very furbished and very quiet. I'm going to sign up.

(not forgetting that there's a dance school right next to it.... I am SO going to sign up :])

and... there was this guy doing kick boxing all by himself while i was at the stadium. he was at the bleachers and, well punching away... i found it rather weird, not the exercise, rather the choice of . Well he must have caught my stares of wonderment. haha.


cheerios.

(i'm trying to kick the addiction with guildwars. tis been 30 hours without. cheers)

:]

I'm really weak... couldn't stare back at his eyes...

here's the story

i usually get a haircut once a month... and i always do it at this place called "Storm by Monsoon" and well they give really neat haircuts :]

so, my usual hairdresser is a lady called eunice.. and she's nice and all but, i think she treats me like a student... doesn't give me the feeling as if she really wants to serve me, i am like another kid who comes in once in a while (which is false since i always go there for my haircut)

The previous trip to Storm, eunice was not around, ill i believe so this young guy called 'San' gave me my haircut. he was really busy that day and so we didn't talk much (usually i speak a lot when i'm getting my hair done). so San was really sincere...maybe because he's new-er and well, younger, he treats me like a real consumer...not a kid. so what if my haircut that time wasn't what i had in mind, he's a better person... anyways, back to the story

...

so i went to storm again today. and when i was at the reception, the lady asked me who i was looking for... any particular stylist...(I stood there for some time..thinking.)

eunice.san.eunice.san.eunice.san.eunice.san.eunice (Darn)

i said eunice. only because she was more experienced.
everything was okay, till i was led to my seat.

opposite me was san.
In white (noting that every other stylist was in black and that almost everyone one there treats me like a student, san was...well, dressed in a white tee. it was a sign... i knew it was a sign, he was the only one who was worth the colour white...)

and he looked at me, i said a hasty hi and turned away.
i couldn't look at his eyes. i know he was disappointed that i didn't ask for him this time round.

i felt really bad. knowing that he was new and prob need the requests to stay afloat in the business.

sorry.

Well i promise, the next time i will ask for u san... because you are a nice person.


This world is so tough...!!!...

'And he who bows down to the twin god of beauty and illusion received her gifts, that of charm and eternal courage'

.

My computer is screwed. it is mad, unwilling to work, irritates me by shutting down, by itself and i am very very very annoyed....


But i Still love you computer....

im rather addicted to guildwars. spending tons of hours on it...

i love my necromancer... well it is actually a necro with a warrior secondary class... some call it the

MEELEMANCER
Quite creative.

What i like abt it is that it isn't boring to play. most warriors merely go in to battle and slash-slash-slash heavily depending on their amour class. but in this case, the meelemancer (with weaker amour) depends on it's health draining skills to replenish her health... instead of decreasing damage, she replenishes her health. such a beauty.

"Where is the God to whom i beg revenge against those who scorn me?!"